


Running Down To The Riptide

by TGP



Series: Happy Endings [21]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Pesterlog, Pranks and Practical Jokes, The John Thing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3721642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TGP/pseuds/TGP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane and John decide to prank Joe. And then things get a little turned around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I just really wanted to get some Crockbert bonding going on. Is that so much to ask?

**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 7:14--**  
  
GG: Hello.  
GG: We’ve not yet met but Jeff Egbert gave my your contact information in case of an emergency and I thought it might be best to introduce myself.  
GG: I’m Jane, Jedd Crocker’s daughter.  
EB: oh, yes. hello!  
EB: i meant to introduce myself during my next visit but i just haven’t found the time yet.  
EB: it’s nice to meet you.  
GG: Likewise.  
GG: I suppose that makes us cousins.  
EB: that’s what i’ve been told.  
GG: Well.  
GG: That’s all I wanted.  
EB: oh.  
EB: have a good day, jane.  
GG: You, too.  
  
**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 7:29--**  
  
**\-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 7:29 --**  
  
EB: did you do it yet?  
GG: Patience, dear Watson.  
EB: why am i watson? i want to be sherlock!  
GG: Maybe when you’re older, dear.  
EB: i am totally sherlock. you do not even know how sherlock i am! i am the sherlockiest.  
GG: Poor John. Soon, I will debase you of such delusions.  
GG: When I’ve unveiled the fruits of my labor, none will doubt the superiority of my power.  
EB: sure. you keep telling yourself that.  
GG: Oh, I will.  
GG: :B  
EB: you are the best teen grandma ever.  
GG: I told you to stop calling me that.  
EB: :B  
GG: Uggghhh.  
  
**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:35 --**  
  
**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 10:26--**  
  
GG: If you have a moment, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you.  
EB: i’m all ears. what can i do for you today, jane?  
GG: Well, we’re coming round to my dad’s birthday and I wanted to plan something special.  
EB: that’s awful kind of you.  
GG: Not that kind of special.  
EB: oh?  
GG: I want to come up with the mother of all pranks. Something truly stupendous that will be talked about for years to come.  
EB: 8B  
EB: how can I help?  
GG: So glad you asked. I’m sending the plans to your email. Can’t take the chance John or one of the others might come across them before it’s time.  
EB: this isn’t a secure line, then? very well. i await your instructions. should we have a passphrase to use in public?  
GG: What a wonderful idea, Mr. Egbert. I knew you were the man for the job. I’ll be sure to leave the passphrase in the email.  
EB: roger that.  
  
**\-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 10:32--**  
  
**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] began pestering gravitationalGal [GG] at 10:33--**  
  
EB: did you know jedd’s birthday is different than jeff’s?  
GG: really? aren’t they supposed to be some kind of inter-dimensional twins?  
EB: that’s what i thought. apparently, jedd’s is in september.  
GG: i wonder which of them is the older one. do you think they ever pull rank on each other?  
EB: you mean like you do?  
GG: don’t knock it, kiddo. four months is a big difference!!!  
EB: pft. as you say, miss english.  
GG: i DO say!  
GG: now that that’s been settled, how did this even come up?  
EB: jane, jedd’s daughter? she wanted my help in setting up some kind of birthday prank.  
GG: haha, that should be good.  
EB: she’s kind of adorable. going for the whole superspy thing.  
GG: oh my gosh! are you guys doing code names and everything????  
EB: that is a fantastic suggestion. we should do that.  
GG: i’ve got a good hat somewhere. you have to look the part!  
EB: you are the most perfect sister ever.  
EB: i don’t deserve you.  
GG: it’s okay, i won’t tell. :) :) :)  
EB: okay, my break is over. see you.  
GG: don’t work too hard!  
EB: like that’s ever been the problem.  
  
**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] ceased pestering gravitationalGal [GG] at 10:41--**  
  
**\--gravitationalGal [GG] began pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 10:41--**  
  
GG: i mean it. don’t over do it. >:(  
GG: even if jane is an absolute cutie.  
  
**\--gravitationalGal [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 10:41--**  
  
**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 4:09--**  
  
EB: agent ivory keys reporting for duty, ma’am.  
GG: Status?  
EB: mission successful. all items accounted for.  
GG: Excellent. There’s a promotion in your future if you keep up like this.  
EB: 8B  
GG: Now for phase two.  
EB: on it.  
  
**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 4:11--**  
  
**\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 8:21--**  
  
EB: soooooooo?  
GG: What?  
EB: you know what!  
GG: I know nothing of the sort. Lies and slander!  
EB: if you think i am going to let you edge me out of this, you have another think coming.  
GG: If there was a “this” in the first place, I might consider doing so just because!  
EB: come on, you know you need me on this.  
GG: Do I, now?  
EB: why do i think i just said the wrongest thing?  
GG: Maybe because you are actually growing up for once.  
GG: I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.  
EB: well THAT is sure grown up of you.  
GG: Just be patient. Honestly, how did you ever manage to pull off any prank at all with so little patience?  
EB: just lucky, i guess!  
GG: Well can it, Mister. I’ve got everything just how I want it. You’ll know your part when it’s time.  
EB: fiiiiiiiine. but no complaining if my efforts to entertain myself catch you in the backlash.  
GG: I’ll hear nothing of the sort. As if you could pull something over on me.  
EB: is that a challenge?  
GG: Well, it wasn’t capitulation!  
EB: you realize what this means.  
GG: Bring it on, short stack.  
EB: oh, it has already been broughten.  
GG: Someday, I will be surprised by your truly awful cinematic judgment.  
EB: says the girl who digs jeff foxworthy.  
EB: someday, you will cower beneath my awesome pranking mastery! someday being soon, by the way. and i have it on good authority that i will one day be a giant and you will stay tiny SO THERE.  
GG: Just because Joe got inordinately tall doesn’t mean you will.  
EB: you keep telling yourself that, shorty.  
GG: See if I ever make muffins for you again!  
EB: well that is not very sisterly.  
GG: We’re cousins. Besides, I have it on good authority that siblings are supposed to pick on each other.  
EB: uh, not to burst your bubble, but striders are so not good sources of information about anything normal.  
GG: Now you’re attacking the honor of one of my dearest friends. Prepare yourself, Egbert. You’ve awakened the beast and it will come swiftly at the moment you least expect it.  
EB: :B  
EB: let the games begin.  
  
**\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 8:46--**  
  
**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 8:46--**  
  
GG: Change of plans.  
EB: oh. something wrong?  
GG: The operation will proceed as planned but with a new target to join the first.  
EB: roger. who?  
GG: John.  
EB:  
EB: are you sure that’s a good idea?  
GG: It’s a grand idea. He’s expecting it, though, so we will need to do minor pranks to distract him from the final goal.  
GG: That little snot nosed rascal won’t know what hit him.  
EB: if you’re sure. i reckon it’s your show.  
GG: Darn tootin it is.  
  
**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 8:51--**  
  
**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] began pestering gravitationalGal [GG] at 8:51--**  
  
EB: she wants to prank john now.  
GG: two people does make things a little more interesting!  
GG: though does that mean you’ll have to see john more?  
EB: i don’t know.  
GG: are you okay? :( :(  
EB: i’m fine. i was just a little surprised.  
GG: she doesn’t know about your john thing, does she?  
EB: i don’t have a john thing.  
GG: you have such a john thing. seriously, it’s only the most obvious thing.  
EB:  
EB: is it that obvious?  
GG: only to me.  
GG: and maybe dave.  
EB: jade, i don’t want to have a john thing.  
GG: i don’t want you to have one either, but if wishes were horses!!  
GG: anyway, i wouldn’t worry about it too much. jane seems to be doing all the real work.  
EB: that’s true. all right. i’ll see how this plays out.  
GG: attaboy. :)  
EB: 8B  
  
**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] ceased pestering gravitationalGal [GG] at 8:59--**


	2. Chapter 2

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 10:42--**

EB: short sheeting the bed is totally lame!  
GG: I have no idea what you’re talking about.  
EB: sure you don’t.  
GG: Maybe you offended one of the trolls. You seem to do that often.  
EB: i don’t think trolls even know how to short sheet a bed. they don’t sleep in them!  
GG: So you attack my honor instead? For shame.  
EB: just letting you know, it’s on. it is so on.  
GG: Didn’t we already establish that before?  
EB: i was going to go easy on you. not anymore!  
GG: I’m shaking in my house shoes.

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 10:51--**

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 4:32--**

GG: You switched my salt and sugar?!  
EB: of course i didn’t. that would be too obvious.  
EB: i mixed them together.  
GG: Now the clown thinks I’m flirting with him!!  
EB: um. ew. also, what?  
GG: Apparently, as explained to me by Vriska of all people, offering bad tasting but otherwise not poisonous food is some kind of romantic gesture.  
EB: trolls are so weird.  
GG: If he asks me out on a date, I will END you.

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 4:36--**

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 3:43--**

EB: how did you have time to cover my entire room in tinfoil?!  
GG: Why, I never. How on earth would I have managed that when I was at school all day long?  
EB: who else would do it?!  
GG: I don’t know. Maybe Tavros. He doesn’t seem to like you very much.  
EB: yeah, that’s super weird by the way. i don’t even know what i did to the guy.  
EB: but still! just you wait.  
GG: With bated breath, cousin dear.

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 3:48--**

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [GG] at 12:19--**

GG: Air horn under my computer chair. Classic.  
EB: thank you. i pride myself on homages to the greats.  
GG: You might want to stay in your room for a few hours.  
EB: what?  
GG: Gamzee didn’t take well to the noise.  
EB: oh shit.

**\--gutsy gumshoe [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 12:21--**

EB: good thing I’ve got karkat as a secret weapon against juggalo psychos, eh??  
EB: i think.

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 12:22--**

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 6:52--**

EB: fake dog poop on my chair? that’s pretty weak.  
GG: They can’t all be winners.  
EB: suspicious! have you given up trying to top my greatness?  
GG: Maybe.  
EB: well i’ll have you know  
EB: wait how did you do that?!  
GG: I have no idea what you’re talking about.  
EB: how are you triggering that?!  
GG: Triggering what?  
EB: damn it, now vriska’s laughing her ass off at me!  
GG: Maybe she just realized how silly your face looks without a magnificent mustache to adorn it.  
EB: oh man, this is the tiniest speaker ever. where did you even get this?  
GG: I have my sources.  
EB: that is the grossest, wettest fart noise i have ever heard in my life. i’m impressed.  
GG: Naturally.  
GG: :B

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:01--**

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at  11:29--**

EB: wow, that was some scream!  
GG: Excuse me, I’m busy planning how to kill you.  
EB: it was only just a little snake.  
GG: It was four feet long and you made it JUMP AT ME.  
EB: he he!  
GG: You’re lucky it wasn’t real.  
EB: well, might wanna be careful going to the bathroom.

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:32--**

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gutstyGumshoe [GG] at 7:18--**

EB: how on earth did you manage to seed jacks in the hallway  
EB: and then fork the entire lawn  
EB: in ONE NIGHT  
EB: without the trolls noticing?!  
GG: Let’s just say I have my ways.  
EB: i have to hand it to you. this one is pretty impressive.  
GG: That is suspiciously kind of you to say.  
EB: are you suspecting me of wrong doing? for shame!  
GG: Mister, just because I haven’t found your next prank doesn’t mean there isn’t one.  
EB: you wound me deep! well, have fun being paranoid.

**\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 7:21--**

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:32--**

GG: GODDAMN IT JOHN

ectoBiologist is an idle chum!

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 7:33--**

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 7:33--**

GG: Forget pranking Dad. John is going down.

eagerBibliophagist is an idle chum!

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 7:33--**

**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 4:21--**

EB: are you all right? aradia mentioned something about you going blonde?  
GG: Peroxide in my shampoo.  
EB: he’s really taking this far, isn’t he?  
GG: I’m going to take it FARTHER.  
GG: Make no mistake about it. I mean to WIN.  
EB: if you say so.  
GG: Our plans need to be accelerated. Get ready for phase three.

**\--gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 4:26--**

**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] began pestering gravitationalGal [GG] at 4:26--**

EB: you know how i’m helping jane’s prank quest?  
GG: yeah! what’s the total up to?  
EB: about even, but... i’m not sure this should keep going. it’s getting nasty between her and john.  
GG: oh no!!!! :( :( :(  
EB: do you think we should let their dads know?  
GG: well. if it gets any worse, maybe, but  seems like they have some stuff to work out between them anyway.  
GG: maybe this is a good thing!  
EB: maybe. i guess i’ll just watch it for now.  
GG: in the meantime, I just caught a picture one of the kids put on facebook and wow! dave looks great in those pinstripe trousers!!!  
EB: good bye jade.

**\--eagerBibliophagist [EB] ceased pestering gravitationalGal [GG] at 4:37--**

GG: spoilsport!

**\--gravitationalGal [GG] ceased pestering eagerBibliophagist [EB] at 4:37--**

 


End file.
